Hit and run

I was at a bar/club Friday night, I had just bought a drink when a girl walked passed me on her way out of the bar. As she passed me she put her hand on my waist leaned in and said, "I just wanted to tell you that you are very attractive", she then walked out and left. As much as I enjoyed the compliment I would have enjoyed it more had she stuck around long enough for me to respond.

I am perfect for middle management

It was 2:30 in the morning and I found myself sitting behind a Hampton Inn & Suites desk, across from someone who had know idea they were about to be fired. She wasn’t really going to be fired but she was about to be the guinea pig for me to test ways to fire a person. My favorite went something like this, “have a seat I need to talk to you about something. Before we get started pick a hand”. I would then hold up both my closed fists, before she could pick a hand I would say, “it doesn’t matter which hand you pick, they both say you’re mother-fuckin’ fired…. Now I need you to get out of my office. Oh yeah, and close the door on your way out, I don’t want to hear you cry”. Now if that isn’t a great way for a middle manager at some random company to fire someone, I don’t know what is. Weird the way we sometimes discover hidden talents.

Now that is quite impressive.

While stopped at a red light on my way home from work Friday night I saw a lovely young lady crossing the street, she was in a nice dress and 3-4 inch heels. The light started to change as she was halfway across the street and she started to run to make it. She ran so smoothly and eloquently in those heels, which I was amazed by, seeing as I couldn’t run across the street without looking like I was in last place at the Special Olympics! To all you ladies, who make maneuvering in heels like easy and natural, consider me impressed.

Hey Pin Cushion!

If you are grown up it is now time to take the facial piercings out. I have found that I cannot take people with facial piercings seriously. Maybe it’s because I am 30 now but I just find eyebrow rings, lip rings, etc., very unprofessional. I can let a girl with a small stud in her nose slide, but a ring in the nose or a bullring, no way, I will never trust you with a big project.

Interested out of hate

I have found myself following the NBA finals and for that matter the end of the conference finals strictly out of a hate for the Lakers. I am not a big sports fan and don’t tend to watch much sports (other than MMA and Golf), but I have been sucked into the NBA playoffs and finals. Let me start by saying that I was a Laker fan as a kid, Magic, Worthy, Scott, Green, I loved showtime. That being said I cannot stand this Laker team. It starts from the top, Kobe, while I admit is a great player, is a complete douche. Everyone says that scoring 82 points in a game was an accomplishment, I think it was a clear sign of what a ball hog he was and how little respect he has for his fellow teammates. That, with the fact that every time he misses a shot he looks at the referees like “where is my foul”, like there is no way he could have missed on his own, is too much for me to get past and see him as this great player. When you add Pau Gasol, the king of the flop and winner of worst actor award, and Sasha Vujacic, who is a Jason Swartzman look-a-like, this is a terrible team that I cannot support.

I keep asking myself “why do I keep watching when I don’t care” and I think the answer is that hate makes me care.

Booty, booty, booty, rockin’ everywhere

When someone in Kentucky recommends a place for you to go on a Wednesday night to have fun don’t believe everything you are told, but if you ever find yourself in Louisville on a Wednesday night, you need to make your way to the Phoenix Hill Tavern, because no matter how hard I try to describe it to you, I will never do it justice. I arrived at 11:30pm to promises of two live bands and a booty shakin’ contest but when I walked in the place was almost empty. Phoenix Hill Tavern is a two-story bar/club that very much feels like walking into a horror movie or a fun house at the carnival. The bottom floor has a country karaoke room and the main tavern room, which is decorated to look like an old time tavern or saloon. Upstairs there is the tropical room, covered in fake palm trees and fire pits, along with a small room with couches where you can listen to a guy in a very tight tank top play Weezer covers in a high pitched nasally tone. After discovering that the booty shakin’ contest wasn’t until 1am there was some time to kill and some amazing people watching to do. Slowly people started to show up but the crowd was nothing if not a mixed bag, there were kids in metal band t-shirts, many women well over 300 lbs, some even in the 400+ range, white boys in crooked hats and South Pole shirts, a lot of black lesbians dressed like male rappers, one was the lesbian version of Lil’ Jon, along with some white trash, but what surprised me the most was the AARP crowd. There were several people in the crowd that were well over 60 years old. The first old-timer I saw was a man dancing alone on an empty dance floor to Brick House, there was another woman who was wearing a wig and with what appeared to be her daughter. My favorite was the man that came to be known in my group as “Lester”, this was a black gentleman in his mid to late 50’s, sporting a small afro, polo shirt and polyester pants, and a look on his face that just said “what? I’m here because this is where the bitches is at”.

The Main room remained empty until about 5 minutes before the booty shakin’ contest was about to begin and in that 5 minutes the room filled to capacity with people jockeying for position at the stage. When the contest started there were only 2 participants signed up but as the action got underway more girls joined in on the fun. The topper was when one of the white trash crowd stumbled on to stage completely drunk and flipped upside down in a dress with no underwear on, showing the crowd her coonskin cap.

So if you ever find yourself in Louisville on a Wednesday night find the Phoenix Hill Tavern and enjoy the show.

I am my father's son

In my ability to chase every dollar I lose at the casino with another dollar to try and get it back. As much as losing sucks, doing it with my dad by my side somehow makes it fun.