I would have fired 21 year old me

I was thinking back over my career and the jobs I’ve held and got back to me as a 21 year-old employee. I realized that I would probably fire 21 year-old me. If that me came to interview today I don’t know that I would hire him. I was terribly dressed in what I thought was appropriate office attire, baggy Dickies and baggy plaid shirts...oh yeah and that terrible goatee, and I was always changing my work schedule to accommodate my bodyboarding and snowboarding. I know it was just immaturity but I don’t know if 30 year-old me could tolerate 21 year-old me.

Jesus does tech support

While employed at a previous job, a friend who though being Jewish was obsessed with Jesus, put a Jesus band-aid on my computer. This band-aid was just one of the many Jesus trinkets he had collected. When I left that job I transferred Jesus to my personal laptop. Recently I was showing my mom a few pictures I had taken and while turning my computer around I lost my grip on it, I juggled it momentarily like a drunken street performer until it broke free and crashed to the floor. It landed face down spreading wider than a prostitute’s legs. As I looked down at my pancaked computer I thought, “well we had a good run”, to my surprise when I picked it up it was almost completely unharmed and working just fine. I looked at Jesus staring back at me from his place on the band-aid and thought, “really, did he protect it”?

This wasn’t the first time I saw Jesus work on a computer. At yet another job a friend was having a continuing problem with an error message in a certain program. I did all I could to try and troubleshoot and fix the problem with no success. While balancing my petty cash I came across a dollar bill with a stamp on it that said, "Jesus loves" inside a Jesus fish. I told my friend that she needed some Jesus on her computer and it would fix her problem. I taped the bill to her computer and from that moment on the error stopped.

Next time you are having computer problems put some Jesus on it.

My luck, for posting this, my hard drive will blow up shortly.

Doctors are wrong a lot

I was watching coverage of a BMX contest and the commentator said that it was amazing the rider was even competing since it was only 6 months ago that he had a benign tumor removed from his brain and doctors said he would never ride a bike again. This is a common storyline in sports, this athlete was injured so bad, or had cancer, etc, that they would never compete in (insert sport that they are participating in right now) again, and now here they are in the finals, Super Bowl, UFC main event, or whatever major event they are competing in. Its always the same story, doctors said he would never walk again and now here he is running a marathon, are doctors really THAT wrong that often?

Disneyland ain't got shit on this!

In a small town in Mexico they now have a border-crossing park. For the price of $20 American you can participate in a border crossing simulation. You will run through the dessert, climb through canyons, crawl through tunnels, hide from the border patrol, and go for a ride in the back of a coyote’s truck. You will get the entire border-crossing experience. How can the tea cups compare to this?

Wild pack of family dogs

While spending some time in a small, rural town recently, I saw something I had never seen in person before….a pack of wild dogs. I’m not talking about two or three dogs, it was a pack of eight to ten dogs, of different breeds, ranging from puppies to full grown dogs. When I asked if it was in fact a pack of wild dogs the answer I got was, “yeah, it’s pretty common around here”. I found it interesting that when left on the streets domesticated animals will so easily revert to their wild nature. So the next time you are playing with Fido remember after a few days on the streets he will become a killer again.

A wild pack of family dogs came runnin' through the yard
As my little sister played, the dogs took her away
And I guess she was eaten up ok, yeah she was eaten up ok

Is this LA or a landfill?

As I flew into LAX the other day I did something I don’t normally do, I watched out the window as we made our approach for landing. While doing this I noticed something odd, when I looked at the city below me, if I didn’t focus on the buildings and just looked at the mess as a whole, it looked oddly like a landfill. It was very disheartening to think that the place I call home looks like the dump from above. If you don’t believe me look at the two photos below and do the comparison yourself.

You’re so vain you probably think this vanity plate is about you

Why is anyone still getting vanity plates? I understand that in the 80’s it might have been cool, but a lot of things were cool in the 80’s that didn’t hold up to the test of time. In 2010 who is still getting these personalized plates? I saw a guy the other day driving a BMW Z3 roadster and the license plate said “BMW Z3”, you know what it said on the back of the car? BMW and Z3, I didn’t need you to personalize your plate to tell me that. The worst are those that you're pretty sure are vanity plates but you can’t figure them out, so you're sitting in traffic going nuts and feeling like an idiot because a) you can’t figure out a vanity plate and b) you’re upset....that you can’t figure out a vanity plate! The fact that they are called “Vanity Plates” should tell you something, so unless you ‘re going to give us some useful information like, “DUCHBAG”, “DTERAPE”, or “MOLESTR”, let the inmates that are stamping your plates assign the letters and numbers.