Four missionaries and a Honda

I turned the corner into my parent’s neighborhood and I saw the four of them converging on a Honda Civic. All of them in matching black slacks, white short-sleeved button-down shirts, black ties, and LDS name tags. As they all climbed into the Civic I wondered what the car ride conversations of four Mormon missionaries must be like. When I get into a car with three of my male friends the conversations usually consist of things that I don’t think would be appropriate for missionaries. There is quite a bit of swearing, fuck is a word of choice for many of us, there is talk of drinking, cage fighting, sex, masturbating, the impressive shit you took that morning, amongst other things. These topics obviously accompany many other normal conversations but inevitably one or more of these topics come up. As much as I would love for it to be true, I can’t picture a Mormon missionary talking about rubbing one out in the shower after taking a satisfying dump. Just for a day I want to be the pine tree air freshener hanging from the rear-view mirror of the missionary-mobile and hear what subjects fill their conversations.