Sorry Haiti

I am sorry to say this but can we stop trying to raise money for Haiti. George Clooney did his telethon, every cable network is constantly telling me to text something to some number to donate money, hell I couldn't watch the Jersey Shore reunion without being told to help Haiti. Don't get me wrong it’s terrible what happened there and I feel for the people but what about all the problems here. We have a government that is going bankrupt, unemployment is at an alarming percentage, homes are being foreclosed on by the minute, just spend a few hours driving around LA and the surrounding areas and you will see the growing homelessness problem, where is the telethon for the homeless? This country spends some much time and money trying to fix all the problems of the world that our country is deteriorating. I believe in helping your neighbor but only once you have helped your family.

It must suck to be cats and birds

I sometimes wonder what it is about cats and birds that crazy people are drawn to. Whenever you hear about a crazy person and they have pets it's either a bunch of cats or birds. We all know about cat ladies, women who have ten, twenty, thirty cats, they think of them as their children etc. but birds seem to come with the crazy too. Look at Heidi Fleiss on this season of Celebrity Rehab, she lives in the middle of Death Valley with somewhere around forty birds, Mike Tyson has a pigeon coop and talks about how they are his only real friends. A bird is strange animal to have as a pet, have you ever heard a pet bird making noise and it was a sound that you enjoyed? Every time I have been in a house that has a bird the sound of that bird makes me crazy, maybe it is the birds that make the people crazy. Whatever the situation, these are two pets that are consistently paired with crazy people, you will occasionally hear of the crazy person that has a pet lion, tiger, boa constrictor, or wolf, but not on a regular basis. Time and time again birds and cats come with crazy people. I really want to know what it is about these animals that draw the crazies to them.

Then I was like....and she was like.....and he was like

I can't pin point when the word "like" took over my vocabulary in conversations but I can no longer tell someone about a conversation I had without using "like". I know it is possible, I know that it wasn't always a staple of my communication, but it is an extremely hard habit to break. I am constantly saying "I was like", or "she was like", or "he was like", over and over and over again. If I am telling someone about a conversation I had, every part of the conversation is prefaced with one of these phrases, even when I am talking about what I was thinking. Instead of saying "and then I thought", I say "and I was like". It is fascinating to me that you can develop such a habit without even knowing it but yet trying to change it is like impossible.

A country boy can survive

Yesterday I saw what could be my new favorite film, Crazy Heart. It is the new Jeff Bridges film and it is great. If you are a fan of country music and the old time country stars this is cool film you will enjoy. Nate said that it reminded him of the Wrestler and I completely agree. It has that same feel and has a similar story line of a man who was at the top and now in his older age has fallen off some. The film runs the gamut of emotions, it starts out funny and works it way through happiness, sadness, loss, grief, envy, redemption, and closure. Robert Duvall is a scene stealer much like in Days of Thunder.

You also see in the film the difference between "new" country music and musicians and "old". It makes you realize that the new country just doesn't have the same soul as the old, there is more pop and rock in them than life and emotion.

It isn't playing many places right now but if you can find it do yourself a favor and check it out.

"It's funny how fallin' feels like flyin' for a little while"

How lame have limos become

I was watching wrestling the other night (don't judge me, I was reliving my childhood) and Ric Flair pulled up in a white stretch limo. All I could think was how dated limos are. I remember being a kid and hearing kids saying "I have never been in a limo before", if you were a kid and had rode in a limo you were cool, it was a big deal, all the other kids wanted to know what it was like. Now you see someone in a limo and you start to laugh because it is kind of tacky. Why get a limo, just get a an Escalade or even a Suburban. Limos just feel like teenagers going to prom and people with money in the 80's and early 90's.

Dont call me skinny

I am tired of being told I am too skinny! Why is it completely acceptable to tell someone that they are too skinny but not acceptable to tell someone that they are too fat? When the word ‘too’ prefaces anything it means that there is more than is needed, an excess, so by saying I am too skinny, you are saying I am excessively skinny. I am far from excessively skinny, I know in comparison to the majority of this country these days I am too skinny but that is only because that majority is overweight. Is it that looking at my lean, fit physique makes you envious and you need to try and make yourself feel like I have the problem, not you? Why is there any difference between these two statements, “you really should finish that, you are too skinny and you need to put some weight on” and “do you really need that last bite, you are too fat and you need to lose some weight”? I love that one is completely OK and the other one makes you an asshole.

I have always been thin (except for when I was a baby, I looked like the marshmallow man), as was my dad, but he now has a nice little gut and I am sure I will too when I am his age. So just hang in there I will join the fat masses in due time, for now just let me be skinny and healthy and hate me for it silently.

How are they going to explain this to their kids?

After watching another two episodes of one of my favorite shows, Jersey Shore, I have really started to wonder, what the hell are these people going to tell all the illegitimate kids they have when they find videos of these shows?

For all I know my parents could have been wild partiers, doing all kids of crazy stuff before I was born, but you know what, I will never know that because there is no photographic or video evidence. In this day and age of digital cameras, flip video cameras, and cell phones taking both pictures and videos, there is evidence of all the debauchery that goes on. I watch as Snookie says, “I can’t get any ass, all I want is to get some ass at the Jersey shore”. Now what happens when one of the 3 or 4 kids she is going to end up having goes to school and a classmate pulls up youtube and shows all the other kids video of his mom, drunk, standing on top of a booth at a club, and then taking a header down into the booth? What about the girl on Flavor of Love that took a shit on the floor in the middle of the house, how do you think her kid is going to feel when they see that video. It used to be that you would hear occasionally that a kid found his dad’s stash of playboys, found a picture of one of his friend’s moms, and showed it to everyone, but that was very rare. I am curious to see how many instances of this happen now, between youtube, facebook, TMZ, not to mention the millions of porn sites, kids have to be finding friend’s moms on a more regular basis.

All I am saying is if you want to be like that, fine, just don’t put it on film for your kids to deal with in therapy one day.

Ladies of the Night

Do you think getting a hooker is like anything else you do, once you do it enough it becomes normal?

I was watching Cops and there were these guys getting busted for solicitation and for some of them it wasn’t there first time being busted, the cops knew these guys by name, some of them had just been busted days before. It got me thinking, “is getting a hooker like anything else we do?” What I mean by that is, is it like going to the gym, when you go the first time it sucks, you don’t feel good after, but once you go enough you start wanting to go all the time. Is it the same with going to a hooker, the first time you are thinking, “shit this is pretty low, I'm getting a hooker”. Then after that first time you think "that was kind of sad, put it wasn’t really THATTTTT bad." After enough times you are ordering up hookers like pizza, “well its Friday night guess I should order my company for the evening, yeah I’d like to order a small blond, please”.

Apple Judgement

I have found that I judge people equally for not having a Mac computer and for having an iPhone. You would think that since I am pro Mac that I would also be pro iPhone but that is not the case. When I see someone pull out there PC laptop with it's huge power cord or watch as it takes 10 minutes for windows to finally boot up I can't help but think "what is the matter with you, just buy a Mac and make your life easier". At the same time though when I see someone pull out their iPhone I think "what a douche, they must be checking their facebook page", maybe it's because people who have an iPhone seem to always be on their iPhone or downloading some new retarded waste of time app like the light saber that makes me automatically judge those that have them. It is hard living a life that is so divided!

Hot Girl at the Bus Stop

Over the last couple weeks I have on several occasions seen very attractive women at the bus stop waiting for the bus. Immediately my brain goes to the thought "what is a hot girl doing at the bus stop?" It's like my brain can't seem to fathom that an attractive girl could be in a situation where she has to the ride the bus, like the bus is only for unattractive people. I automatically think "she is hot, she couldn't find some guy to drive her where she needs to go?" Just thought it was funny how the brain works sometimes.